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brittanysthoughts
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Name: Brittany
Birthday: 5/19/1987
Interests: everything... god, people, music, emotions, thoughts, writing, reading, singing, smoking, painting, anything of beauty, and anything else i can cherish.
Message: message me
AIM:  wmadoe4hrim9d2
Member Since:
4/3/2007
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| My life is changing.
I am growing.
I am learning.
I have found a content and comfortable place in 1/2 of my life.
I have never felt more loved.
I finally have something that I can look forward to.
I can come home from work to candles, soft music, and a boy who cares about me more than anyone ever has.
I have close friends who would do anything for me.
I have a family who loves me and who is always there for me.
I finally have complete emotional support.
I am happy.
I am comfortable.
I am in love with it all.
The other half is so up in the air.
It is almost scary.
Where do I turn now?
What should I do?
How do I make something out of nothing?
I have needs.
I have desires.
And yet, have nothing.
I have a job that does not pay near enough and several pending applications.
What if I don't get another job?
How will I pay my bills.
I have nothing to lean on.
Why does money have to be so important?
How can something so meaningless make me feel so stressed out?
Maybe I should just let it go?
Pay what I can and not worry about the rest.
Soak up my social contentment.
I feel responsible.
Yet, I am so far from it.
There is another part of me that knows what to do now about my spirituality.
Its really just a matter of doing it.
Maybe I need someone who will scream in my ear?
....tell me to get my ass off the couch and do something with my life.
I'm trying.
I just need help.
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| My emotional capacity fluctuates with the weather.
Those warm sunny days when everything seems so perfect....
Oh, my mood fancies those days.
My heart feels light and content.
My face shows a smile and bright eyes.
There is love and passion in the air.
My soul finds creativity and inspiration.
The night usually seems to drop weight on me.
I can feel it creeping as I drift in and out of sleep.
The crisp cold air in the morning.
It is as sharp as thorns.
The dreary clouds that hang low in the sky.
My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach.
My eyes become tired and heavy.
Every part of my being longs for the comfort of warmth.
The beauty of colorful spring and summer.
The sparkle of night stars against warm water.
That view of the sun shining through full trees.
The happiness that a new pair of sunglasses brings.
Why does it have to be below freezing today?
I feel useless and lazy.
Heavy and down.
Emotional and needy.
I feel like a burden.
I need an emotional lift.
Or for someone to somehow convince me to stop being a wimp.
....or maybe even a punch in the face.
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| I have found my inspiration.
I have found something in life that really makes me want to be a better person.
I have found a reason to improve.
I have found that desire to create.
.... the desire to write and paint.
I have not felt a desire to do either in a very long time.
I have found happiness.
I have found a time in life where I can simply be content.
.... and i think i might just stay here.
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| So, what is it about her? Is she worth it? She is flawed. She is shipwrecked. She is falling. She is stubborn. Yet... she is never left alone. She is always supported, always held up, and always loved. Lucky is the only word that comes to mind... yeah, that's a perfect word for it. She rarely really deserves this kind of treatment. Why bother? Why put effort into someone like this? Maybe she is something great? Maybe she will make something of herself? There are years ahead of her and her life has only really begun. Who can be the judge of her worth? She is surrounded by critics. People waiting to tear her apart. So go ahead and tear her. Rip her apart. Because she is fortunate enough to have people who will put her back together. Make her feel whole. Her worth is not measured in meaningless words. She can not be critiqued by useless people. There is hope in her heart and fire in her eyes. She is unstoppable. This force within her is only supplied by the people who hold her up. Without them she is nothing. She is useless. They are her rock and her foundation. The next time you think you have no purpose. You might want to think twice.
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| I feel completely apathetic.
Not too long ago I was so full of emotion.
Yes, both good and bad...
But now... I feel as though I don't stand a chance.
I feel as though all of my efforts are going down the drain.
Now that I think about it though... would I take him if I had him?
Would I take anyone?
If I could choose from all of the people in the world...
Is there anyone I would really want to be with right now?
Not that I enjoy being single.
I just don't have the emotional capacity to harvest a relationship.
ESPECIALLY not a serious one.
As I think about it...
I will always have subtle feelings for him.
But other than that...
I have no feelings for anyone.
There are even few friends that I REALLY appreciate.
Other than that.
Like I said...
I feel completely apathetic.
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